


something in your name

by Tarredion



Series: birthday gifts [2]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2008, 2019, Characters Reading Fanfiction, Characters Writing Fanfiction, Embarrassment, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fanfiction of Fanfiction, Flirting, Fluff and Angst, Implied Sexual Content, Loneliness, M/M, Separation Anxiety, Skype, let me know of any other tags if needed!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-09
Updated: 2020-02-09
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:33:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22637650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tarredion/pseuds/Tarredion
Summary: Phil reads a y/n fic
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Series: birthday gifts [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1596304
Comments: 3
Kudos: 26





	something in your name

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ahappyphil](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ahappyphil/gifts).



> happy 27th birthday! a.. little late lol
> 
> (oh and none of phil's 'shade' is a genuine opinion of mine)
> 
> and yet as you said, Keelin: Dan would -see second notes-.

The blushing sun sank behind the thick coat of grey, velvety cloud, tainting the sky in golds and faint yellows. After taking another sip from his steaming beverage, watching the small spirals rise serenely from the coffee, Phil leaned back in their red armchair with a content huff. He felt calm, safe, and the softness of the cushions and the pastel environment outside helped to ease the anxiety that always crept upon him whenever Dan wasn’t with him. Today was no exception to that, of course. His fianceé was visiting family in Wokingham over the weekend, and had left his nerdy, anxious, and socially awkward spork of a partner cooped up alone in their apartment.

As always when the two of them were separated for more than twelve hours, Phil had watched many of their collabs and shared videos, to  _ phil  _ the emptiness and dark void within which was making his heart ache. Watching them also made the agonizing wait before he’d be able to speak face-to-face with the tan and bespeckled love of his life again a bit more bearable.

Yet that had not been able to quench his ‘thirst’. Inherent need for companionship, that was, but it was funnier to use an innuendo instead. Dan both hated and loved when Phil said them, as clearly displayed in their videos. It was a mental delight for him to imagine his clear laugh, his rosy cheeks, and the shake of his head that was his common reaction to it. Endearing, and it made him smile even subconsciously.

Phil sank further back into the cushions with another, this time wavering, sigh. A slight prickling on the side of his temple had grown into a pounding pain, pressing itself into his skull. Clearly he needed a distraction, and a proper one at that.

Behind closed eyes, in the darkness of the silverlined room that laid beneath his eyelids, he thought of every possible remedy. He could take a painkiller, but he’d already taken one yesterday under similar circumstances, and it most likely wouldn’t help him much.

Calling Dan wasn’t on the list of possibilities, either. They were going to skype later in the evening anyways. What use would it be if he disturbed Dan’s precious catching-up time with his mother, simply because he was a lovesick fool, and simultaneously a baby who couldn’t take care of his own headaches. Sure, kisses and cuddles often helped when the house was more full, but it would be no use to dwell on it when that wasn’t a possibility.

Sighing, eyes falling open, he thought over any other antidotes that came to mind. He was just about to type in the search bar of his phone when he spotted an orange bookmark from a couple of weeks ago.

Phil felt his face unwillingly split into a grin. He remembered that it was a link leading to a  _ male reader x amazingphil _ -story on wattpad, which he’d saved. One reason was Dan had most certainly read it during his fandom days.

Another was that Phil had wanted to read it for himself. Fanfictions were almost the same as books, and many were well written, and he did enjoy them no matter what they implied. Most of the time at least.

Now it seemed like he’d found his chance! He could certainly pester his lover with it when they talked later on.

Watching the sunset would definitely cower on the scale of entertainment beneath reading fanfiction, so he set his mug down after another refreshing sip, and clicked in.

**_Dreams come thru_ **

**_male reader x amazingphil_ **

**_a/n_ **

**_hi :D as an avid fan of this truly remarkable creative youtuber (who’s pretty hot too o.0) & a ficwriter guy i was almost as surprised to find a lack of these kinds of fics in the community as i was with how underrated he is so i wrote some myself as u can see :P_ ** **_pls be nice_ ** **_x_ ** **_]_ **

**_ps amazingphil if u somehow see dis dont read x_x_ **

Chuckling under his breath, Phil scrolled on to the next page. This story, compared to some of the other ones this user had written, was particularly long. It had only about 1.5k words, and yet it was short enough to read before he had to set up for the skype call, meaning it really was an excellent choice. Settling down properly in the chair, he began to read.

**_The wind rattles the windows, shaking the building as well as your existence. Droplets of rain falls onto the ground like sharp needles, like the cold seeping into your room pierces your skin. It’s a drowsy November’s evening, and you’re alone in the house, awaiting a visitor who you’d wade through weather and wind, life and death, for. AmazingPhil._ **

**_You had entered one of those generic competitions advertising a date with an idol. The thing was, this one hadn’t been generic: it was organized by AmazingPhil himself. And you had won!_ **

From experience, he knew this wasn’t an uncommon dream for many people in fandoms, and he wasn’t about to blame this guy for wishing he could meet his celebrity crush. Not many people could be as lucky as the ones that did, however, so he wasn’t about to entertain it as a possible outcome for the writer outside of his fantasies. 

**_The very least you hope for is that he likes you, and your place. Your room is quite small, a single bed that you grew out years ago is cramped in a corner, on the same wall as the door to the platform outside. A wardrobe stands opposite the entrance, and next to it a previously cluttered desk. You have made a real effort in cleaning your room today, unlike most days. Not that AmazingPhil would necessarily mind, with his weirdness combined with kindness… but you always want to make a good impression if you’re meeting with your celebrity crush (as if you’d ever admit to him that he is)._ **

Something alike familiarity rose in Phil’s gut... and then it sunk again, buried under everything else in his head.

**_A tv which your parents gave to you on your birthday is propped up on a dresser on the single, empty wall. AmazingPhil is rather nerdy, just like you, and you’ve got loads of games you’re sure you’ll be able to play together._ **

Well, he hadn’t been wrong on that account. As expected, not all of the perception fans had of him back in the day had been too out of reality’s way.

**_It doesn’t take long before your nerves get the best of you, as you overthink every last detail of your room, and give in to perfectionism. You’ve been able to hold back your worries and fears and anxiety, but now you’re shivering and restless, and you go downstairs and pace to steady yourself. Still there is no distraction that is strong enough to pull you from the thoughts imposed by his jet-black fringe and his perfect, blue crystal eyes._ **

**_Then your mind moves from one thing to another, and drifts off to his naked, hairy chest he often shows off in videos, the bulge in his pants you’ve studied too many times whenever he’s without trousers on screen, and his wide, wide hands that could-_ **

Almost spitting out the gulp of coffee in his mouth, Phil clutched the armrest in an attempt to stifle both his laughter and his second-hand embarrassment. Whether that’s for his old self or the writer putting their thoughts out like this, he couldn’t be sure.

He knew he’d been rather flirty in his first few years of videos. He knew people found him attractive. And yet he had never seen a bolder, more genuine, and more raw comment than this. 

The braveness of the writer was truly remarkable, and he couldn’t help but be flattered. Even then, some of these things were the same as stuff Dan had admitted to thinking about as their relationship had developed.

He made a mental note to bring it up later.

**_You’re interrupted by the screeching of tires and the blaring of a horn. You know AmazingPhil doesn’t drive, so he must’ve been driven here, yet that does not matter to you. Your mind is boiling and you’re sure you look horrendous, but it’s too late Reminding yourself you want this, and always have, is your only choice now.._ **

**_Breath caught in your throat, you rush a hand over you smoothly ironed hair and make sure it lies the way you want. You catch the handle as soon as the doorbell rings, and throws it open with too much force for the hinges. It rebounds on the wall inside, and you’re able to step out of its way just in time as it flings back the other way, but not AmazingPhil. It hits him square in his pretty face, and the screech that escapes you at the same time as his yelp heats your face.-_ **

**_Stop being so embarrassing, y/n! you think to yourself. Making this all about yourself after immediately smacking him in the face is the worst possible beginning to this! -But as he smiles at you, you realise you’re only overreacting._ **

**_Then you also realise you’re as tall as him, which is rather a dream come true. He hugs you, his broad, fit, knobbly shoulders knocking into yours with a gentleness you have never experienced coming from anyone else. Not even any girlfriends you’ve had. And they certainly couldn’t entertain you the way he could. Your naught height difference would also make the ideal situation of kissing his plump, surely sugary sweet lips a not only achievable reality, but also a convenient one. You’re about to drift off into fantasies again, fueled by his strong, warm body pressed into yours, when he pulls away. The thoughts almost die with it._ **

**_Concealing your pout with indifference, you smile back at him. “Hello AmazingPhil.” you just barely press out, using all your force to steady the stutter you were sure was going to be hidden in your words._ **

**_“I prefer Phil, actually, y/n! But no worries about that.” he responds, one hand grazing your shoulder while he speaks, as if he longs for contact with you. That makes you blush, and you step back in terror. Laughing his signature laugh, his tongue poking out of the corner between a gap in his teeth, he makes your heart flutter and flip in your chest. Almost like he knows. You awe, and you’re sure it’s internal until he says: “Think I’m cute, y/n?” His northern lilt is adorable, and his teasing comment flusters you beyond belief, and that’s despite his own blush.._ **

**_Taking yet another step back, certain your eyes have widened significantly, you invite him into the house. Rather graciously he stumbles in like a hippo, displaying his clumsiness as well as his charm._ **

**_Up the stairs you both go, and you find yourself ogling his plump ass for a second or two, before he turns and giggles with you, as if he’s psychic and knows what you think and do. The both of you pull yourself up to the landing, and in through the door to your room. Your giggles echo through the empty house, and you’re glad nobody else is home, or what else could they think you’re about to do.._ **

**_You push the negative thoughts out of your head as Phil moves directly for your Muse-poster. He engages you in comfortable small-talk, which for once doesn’t drain your energy. Maybe that’s just a Phil thing, or you’re just so distracted by the way he moves, or how his eyelids flutter._ **

**_He moves around the room, carefully touching each object in sight, asking questions about their history and making interesting, quirky remarks. You marvel in his interest in you, as much as you marvel in the way he looks etheral in the dim light. His look barely falters as it dances across the boring brown walls, and they only stop for a brief second when they land on the bed. Whatever it is that flashes across his gaze as he does, it isn’t one of disgust, maybe interest. Or something you can’t decipher, more probably._ **

**_Finally you suggest the two of you play some video games, and you sit him down by your collection. He skims it with quick eyes and nimble hands, and you can feel the sweat run down your back. At some point, even if it hasn’t happened yet, you’ll weird him out big-time and he’ll run away-_ **

**_“Hey y/n!” Phil exclaims, pulling you out of the deep spiral you were falling into. His hand clasps a manual for a pc game, one you’ve installed months ago. It’s one of your favourite ones. “Do you actually play final fantasy seven?”_ **

**_Lowering your eyes from his intense, frenzied, scrutinizing face, you nod sheepishly. You don’t notice his smile until he tilts your jaw upwards with one finger, making you jump backwards and face him flustered._ **

**_There’s that familiar flirty smirk he puts on sometimes. “Do you?” he asks again, his voice heavy and that smirk still playing on his lips. You nod again, and the very second his hand falls back down you pull your old, clunky laptop out from the dresser, trying desperately not to think of the way he looks at you. It’s special, but it’s also new and feels rather intimate. He watches in silence as you start the game up, and together yo_ ** _ - _

_ Beep!! Beep!! _

Phil nearly dropped his laptop when the notification pops up on his screen. One hand clutching his chest, he used the other to rest his head and catch his breath. If Dan could’ve chosen a worse time to initiate the call, then it was now. Not even counting the fact that he’d just gotten really into the story itself.

He switched window before loading up skype.

“How’s it going down there?” he found himself asking.

A wide, bright smile was playing on Dan’s flushed and tired face. “I’m exhausted from all the socializing,  _ if that’s what you mean _ .” he laughed, wagging his eyebrows. Phil’s stomach did a matching somersault. “Genuinely, though. Pretty much just tired out of being here.”

“Really? Getting _ bothersome _ ?”

The usual pink blush danced across his tan, blemished jaw and tangled itself around the light bristles on his face. “Please just stop -” Dan mumbled from behind his hand, before he pulled it through his sweaty curls. He looked adorable, and yet there was something equally hot about his embarrassment. 

Then again, Phil found everything about Dan hot, gorgeous, and adorable.

“- and don’t lick your lips like that!” he then added, ‘horrified’ when Phil simply exaggerated the movement.

They sat like that for a few more minutes, catching up and stealing hand-blown kisses through the screen. Just like in the olden days. Every few seconds Phil’d feel an itch creep up on him. It nagged and it clawed at him, reminding him of what and where he really wanted the conversation to steer, and he seemed to be unable to get rid of it. Second only to Dan buying impulsive tickets back home. 

Eventually they found they had nothing more to say about Dan’s movie date with his nana, and in the comfortable silence he found himself gathering enough courage to speak up.

“Uh, hey, babe..” he piped up, just as Dan turned around in his bed to look for something that’d fallen down. He swiveled back, as if on cue to see him fiddling with the hairs at the back of his neck.

His voice was soft, and mildly amused. “What?”

_ Just get it out there, Phil, it’s not so hard. It’s only teasing, and banter like this is normal. It’s fine. He’s not going to run away as soon as you start flirting?? _

“Ever read Dreams come thru?”

Despite his excellent poker face, Phil didn’t miss the way Dan’s eyes widened a little, glistening in the light. “Phil, that’s just a common phrase. No one would be dumb enough to, like, write a book or a fanfiction with a title like that.”

“Why did your mind go to fanfiction?” Maybe that was a bit harsh. Maybe it wasn’t, based on Dan’s hilarious reaction. 

“Because I know you’ve read it before, and it wouldn’t put it past you if you only brought this up to mock me or tease me or something, you spork-” Dan scoffed, interrupting himself before Phil could.

“Why would I tease you with it if you haven’t read it?”

At that Dan averted his chocolate eyes, his puffy cheeks stained pink. A genuine taste of flustered came upon his features. Phil felt his own gaze soften, and something different, something just a little bit guilty and sad, simmered beneath his ribs.

“Because.. I wrote it. And I’m sure by now that you’ve figured it out.”

He really wanted him to stop talking right there. He really really did. “Dan-” 

Wiping his eyes, before any tears of frustration could come out, Dan made his eyelids go red. “Yeah I know I’m really embarrassing, and that it was totally uncalled for me to not delete them once we got together for real, at least. But those fics where my babies-

“Babe, I didn’t mean-”

“- that I cradled and I just couldn’t let go of my past dreams even after I’d earned them. And it’s not like I wanted anyone to know it was me, if you found it and hated me for being-”

“It wasn’t-”

“-clingy or something. I may have let go of those fears long ago but if you’re insistent enough on bringing them up then maybe I should just comply and dele-”

“Dan! Please listen. I don’t actually hate them. Though I did figure out it was you, and wanted to tease you about it, I did quite enjoy reading.” Phil blurted out before he could stop himself. Though he was quite happy about that later, for the eyes that met his own weren’t just shocked, but relieved too. 

“You, um, don’t want me to delete them?”

Determined to change his boyfriend’s wandering, panicking mind, Phil shook his head, crossing his heart and reaching out with his other hand to mimic stroking Dan’s cheek through the screen.

The hesitancy was apparent through the speakers. “So you weren’t uncomfortable about what I’d said..?”

“Found it quite hot actually. At least after I found out who wrote it.” he laughed. “And it wasn’t too far from the reality that happened anyways, now was it.”

Dan’s widened, glistening eyes became averted once again. “Shut up-” he mumbled, blep out of his mouth and cheeks puffed. The heat that’d usually radiate from his face became a phantom leaning on Phil’s chest, as Dan leaned in closer in general.

“Would you mind another one if I reenacted it to you right now?”

The laughter rang through his chest and pounded in his ears. Unlike so many years ago Dan nor himself seemed to care if anyone on either end woke up, and maybe that was for the better. Everything was happier then. Joyous, even.

Still he lowered his voice into a gravely, hoarse whisper, his hooded eyes grazing Dan’s pretty face and marveling in the way he shuddered underneath his gaze. “Not at all, not at all,  _ y/n _ .”

It only enticed more laughter. Flirty banter, as always, became a highlight in his day. And because of it, he did never finish that fic. 

He had something even better right here.

**Author's Note:**

> "Present-day Phil discovers a user on Wattpad that wrote multiple male reader/AmazingPhil fics in 2008. Based on -clues- in the obviously self indulgent text, he figures out that the account belongs to his special someone."


End file.
